After three years
by kdzl
Summary: Hotch is sent to bring back an agent after she left 3 years before. Hotch/JJ friendship Warnings-Domestic Violence


**_AN/This is the prequel to the story Starting Over--co-written with SSBAILEY. I don't own Criminal Minds._**

Aaron Hotchner sat in the FBI issued SUV in silence. He had been sitting there for almost an hour, delaying the inevitable in a small Louisiana suburb. He allowed his mind to wander, envisioning the happy life his friend had that he would soon be interrupting.

It had been three years since she had left, citing_ personal_ _reasons _for her departure. And he had let her. Twice he had allowed a woman that he cared about to walk out of his life, and twice he had done nothing to stop it. It had hurt worse when she had left than when his own wife had, yet the betrayal in each woman's eyes still haunted him. Hailey's betrayal as he walked out the door to a case, realizing the job was more important to him. Her betrayal, far more cutting, seemed to pierce him as she walked out of his office that day. He was supposed to be a profiler. He had failed her, allowed her to leave. Now the eyes that seemed to occupy his dreams had brought a startling reality--he had betrayed her.

She had never shown the true difficulties of her job--how much the team had really taken advantage of her, and more than a dozen of replacements later, the entire team had begged him to ask her to come back--ask her to return from her happy American Dream to the life of serial killers and monsters.

Finally resigning his fate, he stepped out of the car towards the quaint suburban home. _"Why me?"_ He asked himself, knowing that he was still delaying the inevitable as he walked up the short drive to her home.

He took a deep breath before knocking sharply on the door, imagining the happy life that would likely greet him on the other side of the door. He pictured her answering the door, clad in an apron with flour from the latest culinary creation. He imagined a small child playing in the corner, happy and secure in his surroundings.

He was in no way prepared for the sight that would greet him on the other side of the door as it creeked open into semi-darkness. He could barely see her form in the darkness, but the resemblance was unmistakable.

"Hotch?" She asked surprised.

"Hi JJ, can I come in?" He asked, trying to keep the emotion out of his voice.

"I don't know if that's a good idea." She said simply, still partially hidden in the darkness. "I'm busy making dinner and if it's not ready--"

"I just need to talk." He pleaded and added, "for old times sake?"

"Ok, but only for a moment." She sighed and admitted him warily.

He immediately noticed the impeccably clean home that was clad in darkness as they made their way to the small sitting room. It was only once he had sat that he was able to truly study her. Her hair covered the left side of her face, but he immediately noticed the spark in her eyes was gone. The same spark that countless murder scenes and victims hadn't been able to steal was gone. Her fair features seemed etched with pain and worry, and she seemed to have aged more in the three years than she should have.

"What do you want?" She asked quickly, sitting across from him and avoiding his eyes.

"I'm here to ask you to come back. We need you." He cut to the chase, fearing that he had long ago lost the chance for pleasantries. Adding mentally to himself _I need you._

"I made my choice, three years ago." She sadly as she looked around nervously.

"JJ, we need you. We've had nineteen liaisons since you've been gone." He was determined to at least make a valiant effort. "None of them have been half as good as you are."

"I'm not coming back." She insisted, unconsciously batting at the hair on her face, causing him to gasp involuntarily.

Aaron Hotchner had seen the worst of humanity. He knew in far too great a detail the atrocities that people could inflict on each other, but nothing prepared him for the sight of JJ's face that had been unrevealed. A dark mass covered the left side of his face. In the light, he suspected it was a mesch of purple and black and red, though in the dark it was just a black darkness, showing the true ugliness that her life had become.

She looked at him questioningly, then seemed to suddenly realize what he had seen. "You should go." She mumbled immediately raising her hand to cover the bruise. She stood, hoping it would be enough to encourage his exit.

"How long?" He asked quietly.

"What?" She asked, knowing full well what he was implying.

"You could have told me." He implored, then added softly "How long has he been hitting you?"

"You realize that's the second time you've said that to me?" She smiled, attempting to deflect the conversation by ignoring the last question.

He almost laughed at the comment and the sudden realization that accompanied it. Even in her dire situation, she was a master of manipulation and redirection--changing the subject when she didn't want to talk about it.

"How long?" He added again, prodding her.

She sunk back in her chair, too tired to argue, "Since a little before I left, about three years." She said lamely.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked.

JJ's eyes focused on an invisible crumb on the immaculate floor, then attempted to explain, "It's my fault most of the time. He's working here on the force now, and sometimes he comes home late and I haven't finished everything and--" She left it hanging, knowing just how lame her explanation sounded--even to her own ears.

"Why didn't you leave him?" He asked, trying to understand.

"I tried." She sighed, then it seemed that it had finally been long enough. The dam of the reservoir of control had suddenly burst. She needed _someone_ to understand, _someone _to know her motives. "The first time he--he--_hit--_me." She stuttered slightly tumbling over the words, "it was about a month before I came back to work. I slapped him back, and he went ballistic. Told me that I should be _grateful._" She spat out the last word angrily as she tried to

"Grateful?" He asked incredulously.

"Grateful that he was hitting me and not the baby. Grateful that he would stay with me despite my _inadequacies._" She said slightly angrily.

"JJ, come back with me." He pleaded.

"I can't." She said weakly.

"Why?"

"You don't know what he would do if I left him." JJ said seriously, looking around quickly as though to check and make sure that Will really wasn't home.

"We can protect you, we're the FBI." He insisted.

"Just because the _Chief_" She spat that word like it was dirty, "slaps his wife around doesn't mean he hurts his son. What would I do if he's alone with Henry? Here, I can protect him. If I leave, one day--maybe tomorrow, maybe five years from now, but one day--he'll be alone with Henry. And although Will may not keep his promises, that is one promise he's made that I think he'd keep in a heartbeat. I would do _anything_ for my son." She pleaded for him to understand.

"But we can protect both of you." Hotch insisted.

"How? I'm a former FBI agent. Any lawyer in the country could show that I should have been able to defend myself. He's the Chief of Police. They'd probably even make it look like I was making it all up." She spat out the familiar argument that she had rehearsed countless times in her mind.

They sat in silence for a moment, her devastating situation seemed unchangeable. His heart broke for her at the realization of all she had been through. She felt burning shame for welcoming him into her personal hell, and the pity that his eyes offered only served to cut her worse than she had ever thought possible.

Suddenly the front door swung open and slammed shut again, awaking a small child in a back room.

"JJ! Is supper ready yet?" An angry Will stepped into the front room.

"No, I'm sorry." JJ immediately stood and went to leave the room. "It's almost--"

"Don't talk!" Will cried as JJ immediately quieted. "Your son is crying, go take care of him--not like you do a good job of that anyway." He ordered as she obediently nodded and headed in a different direction.

"Worthless piece of---" Will muttered before being cut off.

"I wouldn't finish that sentence if I were you." Hotch's blood was boiling. _How could a man treat his family like this?_

"What are _you _doing here?" Will asked authoritatively, slamming his keys and badge on the entryway table.

"Visiting a friend." Hotch spat out angrily.

"She doesn't _need_ to be visited, she _needs_ to be making supper." Will seethed.

"If there wasn't a woman and child in this home I would teach you to show proper respect for--" Hotch began angrily but was interrupted by the small woman with a child hiding behind her that neither man saw reenter the room.

"Hotch. You should go. I made my choice three years ago. I'm not coming back." She said finally, though she could feel her heart breaking as the hope of leaving this tortured existance began slipping through her own fingers.

"I'm sorry to waste your time." Hotch said softly, though silently knowing that he was not going to give up so easily again. Twice he had allowed a woman he cared about to leave his life while he wondered at what could have been--he wouldn't let it happen again.

As JJ shut the door softly, staring at the back of the door. She felt more and more empty with each step she imagined Hotch taking towards the SUV. Turning into her own home, she resigned herself sadly. _This is my life, now, _she thought, and the emptiness that she felt seemed to grow exponentially as she walked back into the kitchen to finish dinner. For the first time in a long time, she felt as though she could cry.

* * *

JJ scrubbed her kitchen floor with finesse early the next morning, determined to get the visible stains off her tile floor before her husband came home. The stains that she had spent years trying to erase, though they just seemed to multiply.

She knew that it was simply a matter of pride that kept her away from her family, kept her in the prison that she now lived in. Her isolation was pennance. But her stubbornness, her pride, kept her from leaving. Jennifer Jareau was not a quitter. The only time she had ever quit anything in her life was three years ago, and that had hurt worse than any punch Will had ever thrown. Her mind drifted back to that day three years ago.

_She knocked sharply on Hotch's door, praying that he wouldn't notice the way she gingerly protected her right shoulder, it was still sore from---she shook her head, knowing that she couldn't think about that now. She was on a mission. She couldn't let her situation cloud what she needed to do--otherwise they would see right through her._

_Hearing the grunt from the other side of the door, she opened it and strode puposefully into the room._

_"How can I help you JJ?" He asked without looking up._

_"I came to give you these." She said sadly, handing him a letter, her gun, and identification._

_"No." He said lamely. "I can't accept this. No." He attempted to hand back the items, but she refused to take them._

_"I've already spoken to the director about your replacement, it's effectively immediately." JJ insisted._

_"I believe this is a mistake." He insisted, then asked the question that would plague her for years, "Why?"_

_"Because I have a six-month-old baby." She said, hoping that a plea to save her failing new mariage would be enough to strike a chord with him. In truth, seeing his mariage deteriorate was a motivation to stay with Will, despite--She shook her head, stopping the thought. She really couldn't dwell on that while remaining focused. "Will got a job in Louisianna as a Chief of Police there. We're moving on Monday." She said, suddenly hoping he asked her to stay. She knew in that moment that if Aaron Hotchner asked her to stay, that she would. For him._

_"JJ, you're one of the best agents I've ever worked with, I sincerely believe that this is a mistake." He attempted to dissuade her._

_"Hotch, I need to do this. For my family." She hoped her words would remind him of his own lost family. Seeing the surprise that was quickly clouded under a mask of professionalism, she knew she had hit her mark. Suddenly, more than anything JJ wanted him to see through her--to notice the bruise on the inside of her arm that she covered with long sleeves, or the welt on her back._

_"It's been a pleasure working with you." He said shortly as he stood to shake her hand, his jaw clenching in a tight line. Her heart dropped as she came to a sudden realization. He was supposed to be able to read people, to see through their lies, and he had failed her. He had betrayed her_

_"Thank you. I wish you the best." She said lamely, shaking his hand for a second too long, suddenly praying that he would see through her facade before it was too late. Before she walked out that door. She knew that once she walked out that door, there was no turning back, and suddenly with each step toward the door she could feel her own happiness slipping through her fingers._

_But no call ever came. She strode just as purposefully out of his office, and attempted to circumvent Garcia's lair. She didn't know that she could handle saying goodbye to her best friend, it seemed far too devestating to be able to handle._

_In true Garcia fashion, the moment JJ stepped within thirty feet, Garcia bounded from her office and enveloped her friend in a hug._

_"Sugar cakes, why didn't you--"_

_"Because I didn't want anybody to know. That's why I put in for everything this morning. I was hoping to get out of here before everyone came in, then I wouldn't have to explain--"_

_"Explain why you're leaving us?" Garcia asked._

_"It's just..." JJ stopped unsure of how to explain herself. _

_"Jayje--"_

_"Please. I'm doing this for me." JJ begged, though she knew that wasn't the case. She was doing this for Henry. Henry deserved a father, and JJ wasn't capable of being a single mother._

_"Ok, but I don't have a good feeling about your southern husband. If he ever hurts you--"_

_"I know." JJ interrupted. "Tell the others that I'm sorry." JJ begged as she walked towards the elevator._

JJ hadn't spoken to her friend in years. It had only been about a month before Garcia found the emergency room records that betrayed JJ's secret. After a failed attempt at an intervention, and promising to wipe out Will's existence, Emily and Garcia had flown home empty handed, she giving them the same excuse that she had given Hotch the day before. Her friends hadn't bought her excuse--even more so when she stated that no one wanted her to come back. They knew as well as she did that if Hotch had come for her, she likely would have left with him, and they voiced their frustration that just because the man of her dreams was an idiot didn't mean she had to live a life of torture.

Her friends still called once a week. Garcia, every Thursday, and Emily on Monday mornings. Every time, JJ would watch the phone ring, imagining what a conversation with her friends would feel like after so long. It hurt too badly to think of their happy lives in Virginia, and realize what a stark contrast her life now held to theirs. Each time, they would leave a message. Each time she listened to it, she felt her breath hitch slightly and her fingers begin to shake with longing at the sound of their voices. She left a message for them twice a year--wanting them to know how much she cared for them, but knowing that if she spoke with them she would come undone.

Once, she had almost called them when they could answer. Only once. It was shortly after they had moved to Louisiana and she had attempted to assert her independence. Obviously he had been right about her inability to make correct decisions--she had...she still couldn't think about it.

She was surprised to hear a soft knocking on her door for the second day in a row. She didn't have _any _friends in Louisiana, and other than Hotch's visit the day before had almost never had visitors.

She opened the door quickly, not surprised to see Hotch on the other side. She ushered him in quickly, not bothering to hide the new cut lip and darkening of the original mass on her face.

"You shouldn't be here." She said softly.

"I know, I'll just be a moment. What happened?" He asked, his eyes so full of compassion that she couldn't bear to look at them.

She brushed her hair out of her eyes and dismissed easily, "Dinner wasn't ready."

"Can I talk to Henry?" He asked as he tried to keep the bile from rising to his mouth.

"Sure." She ushered him into her son's bedroom in the back of the house. He smiled slightly at the sight, and she couldn't help but join him. Henry's bedroom was Safari themed, with happy animals dancing around the room. If she didn't know any better, it would have been a sight out of 'Better Homes and Gardens'. But she _did_ know better.

"Henry, buddy. This is my friend Aaron." Henry stopped playing with his truck momentarily to eye the intruder. Finally deciding that he was friendly, he smiled shyly.

"Hi Henry." Hotch smiled softly as he sat on the new 'Big Boy Bed' that had excited her young son. "Can we talk?" Henry shrugged and seemed indecisive as to whether he should leave the truck on the floor or keep it with him. Deciding to keep the truck, he handed it to Hotch first before climbing up on his bed.

"Henry, do you love your mommy?" Hotch smiled as he saw the tow-headed boy that seemed a miniature representation of JJ bob his head vigorously in the affirmative.

"I bet you do." He smiled, looking over at her while she stood leaning against the door frame. "Do you love your daddy."

Henry bobbed his head, though not nearly as vigorously as the first time.

"Does your daddy love your mommy." Hotch wasn't surprised that the boys head shook slightly afirming his suspicion.

"Why not?"

"'cause he yells all the time, even when mommy isn't bad. Sometimes he hits her, but mommy don't cry because she's brave." Henry said simply as JJ gasped in surprise. Sure it was no secret what was happening with her and Will, but she was shocked that her young son was so observant.

"Your mom is one of the bravest people I know." Hotch whispered honestly as Henry smiled and agreed. "I just have another question for you."

"Are you a good boy?" Henry nodded his head vigorously. "Why are you a good boy?"

"'Cause if daddy hits mommy when she's not bad, then I have to be extra good or he hits me." Henry answered as though it were completely obvious.

JJ was floored. Knowing that her son--as young as he was--was living in fear of his father, well she was done. That was it.

Hotch saw that his conversation had hit its mark and moved silently out of the room to talk with his friend once more.

"How did you know?" She whispered.

"Because when I was little, I was a good boy too. Until it didn't matter anymore and he beat me as much as he beat her. She was worried about protecting Sean, but JJ," He paused, making sure she was really looking at him, "It's not going to get better. It's going to get worse. Far worse."

She gulped at the realization that all of her suffering would be in vain if Henry ended up injured and abused by his father.

"Come with me." He implored.

"I don't have anywhere to stay, I don't even have any money. I don't even have a credit card anymore." She knew even those excuses shouldn't be enough to keep her from her family.

"Stay with me. At least until you're on your feet again." He dismissed her worries, knowing that her defenses were crumbling. "Come with me."

It took her only seconds to make up her mind, walking wordlessly back to Henry's room and instructing him of the 'Adventure' they were about to take back home to meet his aunts and uncles. Telling him to grab only his favorite toys, she stuffed clothes for both of them within minutes into black garbage bags.

Under five minutes later they were ready to go. Ready to leave the hell she had found herself in. Ready for a new, and hopefully better life. _Anything has to be better than this, s_he thought with a smirk.

"Mommy?" Henry asked, his face momentarily clouding.

"Yeah? Are you ready for our adventure?" She asked, not having to force the small excitement into her voice.

"Is daddy coming?" Henry asked.

"No, buddy. Daddy's not coming."

"Oh." Henry immediately brightened, and went to show Hotch where his car seat was to put it in the SUV.

Removing her wedding ring, and writing a small note, she placed it neatly on the table. Fate, it seemed, would never be on her side. At that precise moment, she felt her phone buzz in her pocket. Reaching for it, she saw the one name that elicited shivers down her spine--_Will._Pressing ignore, it was only milliseconds before a text appeared _Answer the PHONE! Where are you?_ as her cell began to buzz once more. Placing it on the table next to her ring, she shut the door on that life forever.

They drove straight through to Virginia in mostly silence. JJ didn't have any ID with her for herself or Henry--Will kept all of that in a safe that she didn't know the combination to--and Hotch deemed it infinitely more likely that Will would follow them if they left a paper trail. It was well into the night before they arrived at the place that JJ immediately recognized as Hotch's home. Carrying the sleeping Henry to a guest bedroom, they had only been inside for moments when a sharp knocking sounded at the door. JJ froze with fear, certain that Will had followed them the entire way.

She was in no ways prepared for the person who was behind the door. Hotch too, expecting it to be Will, breathed deeply and prepared for a confrontation--knowing that he could pulvarize the smaller man. As he opened the door, he immediately smiled in relief.

"Where is she?" Garcia blew past him to find JJ descending the stairs and enveloping the latter in a hug.

"Oh, Sunshine, I've missed you." Garcia said softly pulling out of the hug as JJ stood there in shock. "Oh, and we'll get that cleared right up." She motioned to the bruise.

"You mean you don't hate me?" JJ asked in a small voice.

"Hate you? Jayje, you're my best friend! Who do you think spurred your White Knight to come and rescue you and bring you back to the castle?" Garcia said smiling, then added small-ly "And, you should know that the Southern Sleazebag filed missing persons for you and the beautiful baby boy. While I can't nail the jerk for the last three years, I can get him for the last three days."

"What do you mean?" JJ asked confused.

"I mean, I kinda sorta rushed your reinstatement papers, so when I _alerted _the local field office that an Agent was assaulted, he was taken into custody." Garcia explained slightly similing. "May his worthless snot rot in jail." She said snidely.

"What about everybody else, do they all know?" JJ asked, completely embarrassed at the idea that the entire Bureau knew about her marriage.

"Nobody knows a word sweet cheeks. Other than me and Ems and now Hotch." Garcia replied quickly, then smiled "It's good to have you back Sweetums."

"It's good to be back." JJ said softly, smiling.


End file.
